I wasn't planning on posting but Facebook showed me my memories "on this day" and it brought up this picture.
|Halloween 2011 - Turanga Leela|
It got me thinking of so many things. It is funny that I didn't realize that six months prior to having my hair colored purple for real, I kind of did a dry run. That was a lot of purple spray and I had to use two colors to get it just the right shade. Oh man did I ever make a mess of my bedding when I crashed at the end of the night.
I have been getting purple put into my hair since April 2012. I would get compliments daily. At first it was so weird. The wasband never said anything about it. Like it didn't exist. He seemed surprised when people would compliment me.
I get asked if purple is my favorite color. It isn't. Green is my favorite but I know it would fade into the most disgusting color imagined and the upkeep would make me insane. "So then why?" is generally the next question.
It wasn't until after a therapy appointment last year that I realized why. Not at the appointment but after, someone complimented me in the store and whatever we talked about in therapy made it click. I was seeking attention. I couldn't fully see it at the time but my then husband had checked out. I didn't exist (I mean how could I? How could he see me and do what he did like it was no big deal?). That was about six months before I kicked him out. I changed my hair and bought new clothes. I never did that. Looking back I was yelling "LOOK AT ME!!!" with the change in hair and clothes. I guess I sensed how he distanced himself from me but I was too close to the situation to actually SEE it. Shoot, this blog started at about the same time. I guess that was a yell for "LISTEN TO ME!!!" as well. Dang.
It made me realize that when I see people changing things up that there might be something else going on that they don't even realize.
Now it is three and a half years later and I am still getting the purple. There was a point where I wondered if I should still do it, but then my son started kindergarten and seeing how easy it was for his teachers to pick me out of a crowd it made me keep it. While writing this post I even questioned - I mean, is there a point where I am just too old? So I sent a text to ask the boyfriend this morning.