I started writing this post on Monday night. I figured I would finish and post it Tuesday after court. That didn't happen and then I took a day to mentally recuperate yesterday...
See the above graphic? That one that says 533 days? That is how long it has been from when I took control of my life. From when I removed someone from my home (someone that was not who he was thought to be) until when it was finally the trial date. 533 days. 533 days of uncertainty. 533 days of no set rules. 533 days of winging it. 533 days of thoughts fighting it out in my head. 533 days of being angry at myself for believing all of the lies because now I could see so many signs that were there.
Some advice I want to give -
- If you do not take marriage seriously - don't do it. Marriage takes a lot longer to get out of than it does to get married. It also involves so many people once lives get entangled and children are introduced.
- If you cannot look at that person you want to marry and know in your head you would do anything for that person, stand by them no matter what, support them in every adventure that life hands you - don't do it.
- If you have a problem with something your spouse does, talk to your spouse. - don't complain to friends or co-workers ESPECIALLY do not complain of someone of the opposite sex. That will not fix your problem, it will only create more.
Marriage isn't all of that fun of planning the wedding and having that big party. It is hard. You grow up. Life changes. Big things get added like houses and children. Things are not always great, but you have someone by your side to work through it - AND THAT PERSON SHOULD BE THERE. Don't do it all by yourself. I will tell you from my experience that if you carry the weight of it all on you that eventually you wont expect help, then no help will be given, and you will end up being the one that does everything while it gives your spouse plenty of time to do whatever he/she wants. You are a team and you signed up to get through life together.
I think some people that go through this divorce crap can get to where they have anger toward couples that are in successful marriages/relationships. I am not that way. I am totally in love seeing my friends that are absolutely perfect for each other go through life, work through problems, and I feel lucky that I get to be around this...sure I am a tad jealous. I think everyone is a little for things they want but don't have. I will be there happily celebrating with them when they hit all of their marriage milestones though.
I think this will probably be the last post on this blog regarding my marriage/separation/divorce. I have so many posts that I started writing and never completed and shared. Just writing out the stuff that is floating in your head is sometimes enough. With this blog I want to go back to sharing my projects (whether they work out or not), mini rants on whatever is bugging me (it is spring, I am sure there will be a post on my neighbor with the dogs before too much longer), and get back to my little movie reviews on the most horrible movies ever.
I will say that there will probably be a blog out there somewhere that will be about marriage/separation/divorce and will amazingly be quite similar to my situation and somehow will seem like it mirrored my life. I hope that blog will help someone that needs a wake up call or to know that they aren't alone. I know I found comfort finding blogs like that during these long 533 days. If you should stumble upon a blog that seems like it just HAS to be my life it is talking about, I will not confirm nor deny that such blog is mine and will just say that we all have our dopplegangers. ;)
I guess my next blog will be about making jello worm shots - yep, that blog was started in October. Better late than never right?